The Vagina aka The Holy Grail
YAY! I’m excited to continue our journey through the orgasmic landscape of women.
Let me just say this – vaginal orgasms are real and if you have a vagina, you can have one.
AND, having said that, it DOES NOT feel like a clitoral orgasms.
In order to experience a vaginal orgasm, you have expand your idea of what an orgasm is and can feel like.
Ready? Let’s go!
(Art by @joyceartworks)
I want to begin with sharing WHY. Why should you care about vaginal pleasure and invest your mental energy and your time in learning how to have one?
Because…
When you activate your vagina, you can experience:
Being WHOLE – your vagina is connected to your deeper psyche, so embracing it, means embracing ALL of you.
Pussy power – there’s infinite depth (figuratively) and power in your vagina
Pleasure potential – a larger pleasure landscape means increased pleasure
Sexual & personal maturity – Freud was onto something #justsaying
Vaginal orgasms – YUP!
Spiritual experiences – transcendental, spiritual sexual experiences don’t sound too bad, huh?
With vaginal orgasms, I don’t mean g-spot or cervical orgasms – they are separate orgasmic experiences, that of course can blend with your vaginal pleasure. Vaginal orgasms are a thing of their own.
In future emails, I’ll cover cervical pleasure. If you missed my G-spot email, you can read it on my blog.
Fun fact about about vulvas and vagina
Fun fact about about vulvas and vagina
The vagina and vulva have been depicted in art from prehistory to the contemporary art era of the 21st century.
Visual art forms representing the female genitals encompass two-dimensional (e.g. paintings) and three-dimensional (e.g., statuettes).
As long ago as 35,000 years ago, people sculpted Venus figurines that exaggerated the abdomen, hips, breasts, thighs, or vulva.
In ancient times, female genitalia were honored and celebrated, as they were considered sacred.
I like to think about my vagina and vulva as sacred, don’t you?
But back to orgasms – and specifically, why definition matters.
Having a narrow definition of orgasm can be so limiting for your orgasmic experience, because then you’re looking for that experience, you experience what you expect AND many women have a broader or different orgasmic experience than the general (male) orgasmic definition.
Which is why I say, don’t look for a clitoral orgasmic expeience inside your vagina – you’ll never find it or experience it.
The stereotypical orgasm is defined as:
the rapid pleasurable release of neuromuscular tensions at the height of sexual arousal that is usually accompanied by the ejaculation of semen in the male and by vaginal contractions in the female / Marriam-Webster
Or
A brief episode physical release from the vasocongestion and myotonic increment developed in response to sexual stimuli. / Masters & Johnson 1966
But if you want to broaden your orgasmic potential you also need to broaden your orgasmic vocabulary.
So, instead of thinking of orgasm solely as a peak climactic experience with an ascent and descent, try thinking of it as a looping experience, a wave experience of constant pleasure, or an explosive experience of consciousness alteration.
Komisaruk & Whipple (1991) describe this quite well in their definition:
A peak of intensity of excitation generated by: (a) afferent and re-afferent stimulation from visceral and/or somatic sensory receptors activated exogenously and/or endogenously, and/or (b) higher-order cognitive processes, followed by a release abd resolution (decrease) of excitation. By this definition, orgasm is characteristic of, but not restricted to, the genital system.
I LOVE this orgasm definition by my teacher Layla Martin:
Pleasure meets a movement of some sort and it creates an alchemy that shifts your mind state.
This definition includes and honors the three different components of an orgasm:
Pleasure – touch, presence, sensations, celebrate!
Movement – breathing, intention, focus
Mindshift – surrender, presence, relaxation, trust
Mainstream culture has little knowledge about these three components, and thus, misunderstand or completely miss the full pleasure and orgasmic potential of humans, and especially, vaginas.
To have an orgasm/be in an orgasmic state, all three components must interact, as you can experience any of these components independently and you won’t have the experience of having had an orgasm.
When one of these components is missing from the experience, it usually results in the lack of satisfaction and not having the experience that you want:
Pleasure: Not enough pleasure; OR
Movement: There is not the build up, the expansion or the movement; OR
Mind-shift: The mind-shifting experience or surrender is missing
Knowing this gives you SO much power – you can understand your orgasms (or lack of) much better, and thus, you can work on increasing the component that is weak or missing altogether.
Vaginal Orgasms 101
So we’ve covered that you need to update your definition of the O and you want to shift your belief of how to experience one.
I’m sure you’re wondering – “How does a vaginal orgasm FEEL then?”
Vaginal orgasms – sensation and location:
Rather than rapid pleasure experience, it’s feel more like a diffused, full-vagina (and even full-body) sensation
You experience a deep, throbbing, powerful orgasmic sensation and pleasure in the whole vagina and lower belly, that can spread to your legs, back and whole body.
There is a much less defined peak, instead it’s a more long lasting sensation that keeps rolling like a wave
And, there’s a wonderful mental/psychological satisfaction from the experience
Does science back this?
Yes it does actually – because the nerve innervation to the clitoris and the vagina are not the same. And the nerves connect to different parts of the brain.
The clitoral is innverated by nn.pudendales
The vagina is innervated by nn.pelvicii
The uterus and cervix are innervated by nn.hypogastrices et vagii
Modern research on female orgams have concluded that women have the capacity to have different orgasmic experiences based on what area (nerves) of the body are stimulated.
So – do you believe me now?
How to experience one – drop the goal!
(Art by @joyceartworks)
Drop the goal - but commit to your orgasm compass, a deeper knowing and desire for ecstasy and orgasm.
Drop the pressure, but find a deeper connection with your pleasure that can naturally lead to orgasm.
Drop the guilt and connect with love instead - the love of pleasure, the love for your body… and innate knowing that you are enough, your body is enough and it’s OKAY.
And then, explore, explore, explore.
And get help! A glass dildo is an amazing sex toy to get to know your vagina better.
The hard surface plus the weight of the toy produce a different type of stimulate that can activate your vaginal pleasure and get you closer to your vaginal orgasm.
Slow, rhythmic penetration, blend the pleasure with some clitoral goodness and keep welcoming that:
deep, throbbing, powerful orgasmic sensation and pleasure in the whole vagina and lower belly, that can spread to your legs, back and whole body.
less defined peak, instead it’s a more long lasting sensation that keeps rolling like a wave
As you pleasure yourself (or have sex) allow yourself to explore your breathing, sounding, expressing. Work with different speed, pressure and stimulation of different locations inside the vagina.
For vaginal pleasure, we often think that we need rapid stimulation/penetration, but I invite you to see what happens if you slow it waaaay down. And keep going for a loooooong time – like 20-30 minutes.
Many vaginas need penetration/stimulation for that long in order to get really activated and for the pleasure cup to fill up and tip over into orgasm.
Lastly, I want so share more epic words of wisdom from Layla Martin:
The journey towards orgasm is not simple...it’s about systematically dismantling the sexual control and the psychological control that’s been embedded in your body and psyche, reclaiming the natural route towards your mystical connection, your sacred connection and your state of surrender and celebration and acknowledgement of pleasure.
I hope this was inspiring, eye/mind-opening and interesting for you to read.
With love,
Erika
